Here is Jackie's statement to the court of Denise Barela Shepherd, Second Judicial Court, State of New Mexico on February 13th, 2012

Thank you for this opportunity to speak. It's hard to believe how much this crash affected me, in every way, considering I remember nothing of it, of the actual crash. My last memory of that morning is pulling out of my garage. I have no memory of that drive that morning.  I  do have a faint memory of the sound of the impact, like being inside a balloon when it pops...and I remember, I was hit so hard, my teeth hurt, instantly....and then nothing. My next memory is sitting on a curb with not one flash of how I got there, in the middle of the street, in utter chaos...my most vivid memory is thinking...my god, did I do this?? I didnt remember a thing , maybe I feel asleep. I asked the policeman sitting in front of me, did I do this? He said "I don't know, we're not sure. "It was  such a horrible feeling, all this destruction & injured people all around. I distinctly remeber thinking, how will i live with myself ? Someone kept saying "he hit you, he hit you" even then, it didn't really register. I was in shock. 

       I will never forget the ambulance ride, that's when the shock started to wear off & i started to feel again. The pain in my head was nothing I've ever felt before, but  I knew a head was never supposed to feel this way. Then the paramedic cut my clothes off and told me we were going to UNM. Thanks to Radiothon....i knew it couldn't be good. I thought about my boys in school and who would tell them? I remember starting to cry in that ambulance. I remember being absolutely & completley terrified

    They must have scanned and xrayed every inch of me, it lasted forever. At one point , the  nurse in the trauma room said " don't worry honey, we'll make you pretty again" They wouldn't let me see myself.....but I could feel the blood dripping , I could feel the split in my face and my eye, it wasnt blinking quite right....then I could here the 3 nurses and the dr right outside the curtain saying "he's going to be here soon, we've got to try to clean her up, he can't see her like this"  the dr came in and was wiping around my face, my hair...and I could here this guy, right next to me on the other side of the curtain. He was so loud, slurring, complaining that he thought something was stuck in his hip?........I remember saying to the dr "people are that drunk at 5 in the morning?" he said...... I'll never forget it , as long as i live.....he said "Honey, that's the man who hit you"  ........thats was you........Everything changed, it wasn't an accident. It wasn't just a horrible mistake.  It was one of the stories you here on the news all too often, except I was lying in a trauma center, with a plastic surgeon trying to stitch up the gigantic gash across my face that the steering wheel split open. She couldn't numb it very well because of where it was and how deep it was. I felt every   single    stitch. 
        
         I remember laying in the hospital bed , it was hours later and I had to go to the bathroom, and everyone looked nervous....because of course I'd run across a mirror in that bathroom ....and i did. I had a huge gash , stiches across my right eye, all the way across. Black and blue, pretty much everywhere. I had a broken rib, my nose was broken, I felt like an elephant danced on my chest it was so painful and bruised , it hurt to breathe....every breath. I certainly looked the way I felt, but didn't recognize the person I was looking at. It wasn't the face I left my home with that morning. 

          I got home and hobbled into the shower to try and look better before my kids got there. When looked down, the water was red, like food coloring, my hair was matted in blood. Washed it 3 times to get it all out, sobbing the entire time...that's where I finally broke and really broke..It didn't have to happen, none of this. I felt violated. I felt mad. I felt sad, all at once. 

     My father was there, every morning for a solid month, that's how long I was made to stay out of work by my dr..my 70 year old father, making breakfast and handling the morning chaos of 3 kids, boys no less,  getting off to school. All of a sudden My boys were the best behaved boys in the world and treated me like i was fine china! All of a sudden, my teenager ...who usually wants nothing to do with mom at this age..he was sitting right next to me, every chance he got. My youngest, he was 8 at the time... He turned into Florence Nightengale. Every morning, in the midst of getting his teeth brushed and backpack ready.. He would bring me this tube i had to breathe in 6 times a day, for my rib so i wouldnt develop phemonia.  It was also the irst thing he ran and got when he got home. I thougt it was so sweet, and eventually it dawned on me how utterly terrified he was by all this.  I will never forget the first time I went to the store , by myself, I opened the garage, and there he was. He said "you were gone too long, I got scared you got hit again. His lip was quivering and his eyes had tears in them. .......you did that...... 
         
     It was my head injury that kept me out of work so long, I used every single sick day I had stored up for 8 years. I have 3 boys, I needed a lot of sick days for them alone. Those are gone too.  I had a major concussion, which I'm ashamed to say, I thought ......before all this, wasn't all that big a deal. I now know, and still live with how wrong I was. 

      I don't remember my husbands 39th birthday, it was 4 days after the crash. Apparently I tried to make a cake? That's what I was told. I don't remember chunks or details. A solid month of haze really , not really being me... I cried all the time. My husband usually works out in the living room when I go to sleep.. I have to have total darkness. From the first night of the crash , I made him stay with me. He worked in a chair beside me, with no light, just his computer.  it was the only way I could sleep. I was scared, to this day I still don't know why. My thoughts were so fuzzy, I was so scattered.  I wasn't me for a very long time...I'm a DJ, I do a morning show on the radio. You have to be somewhat quick..your wit, you thoughts,  your words....that was never a problem for me. It was my strongest asset....until the crash. That's what the concussion affected most...it's like my thoughts were on a 10 second delay and that lasted a solid 6 months, at least. This past November , just a few months ago  I was sitting on my bed, tears streaming down my face. Here I am...still , a year and a half later, having trouble finding words, or saying the wrong word, because my brain is still searching for the right one. I was given something about post concussion syndrome. Before my dr cleared me to go back to work after the crash, we were discussing some of the things I was still experiencing and she was telling me it would last for awhile.   Some symptoms can last years, some neurological symptoms, brain functions, speed, may never quite go back to the way they were.  It's a wait and see. I'm still waiting. There is also a portion of my forehead , above my eye, I still have no feeling in..nerve damage....you did that.

    I've waited for this day for a very long time, to see the fate of a total stranger, a complete stranger who almost took me from my childen & affected my life in every single way....who I'm laying eyes on the first time this morning. 

You made a choice, knowing full well that this could happen, or worse. You chose to get drunk, get in a car, and gamble with my life as well as your own. You have left a mark on me physically , and mentally , forever. You know better, most 3rd graders know better. All the public service announcements, all the TV campaigns warning about drinking and driving . Countless tragedies in the papers and all over the news... It simply is impossible to say you just didnt know better. Yet you made that choice ....for both of us. This was a 100 percent preventable crime , that was caused 100 percent by you and your reckless actions. I was hit by a drunk driver on September 9th 2010.  This is inexcusable, please,  Your Honor, do not excuse it. 

     

Here it is, the best protien shake to ever shake! Just make sure you use a good, quality protien powder. I really love the quality & price at Vitacost. Here's the link;

 http://www.vitacost.com/Vitacost-Whey-ISO-Protein-Isolates 

Our trainer, Laura George, recommends Genesis protien powder. Here's her email address if you're interested, lgeorge7@comcast.net . If you just want one you can get at the store, try Nature's Way ReSet. Please let me know what you think!

Chocolate, Peanut Butter and Banana Smoothie

•  1 Serving
•  1 Smoothie

• Nutrition Per Serving
• Calories:277
• Protein:25 grams
• Carbs:24 grams
• Fat:8 grams

This sweet and creamy smoothie makes for an excellent breakfast, pre or post workout snack or even dessert for your last meal of the night!

• 1 scoop of Chocolate Protein Powder
• 4 oz. skim milk
• 2.5 oz. banana
• 1/2 Tbsp. natural peanut butter
• 1/2 tsp. cocoa powder (optional)
• Ice

1. Place all ingredients in blender and blend until smooth. Enjoy!

    I weighed in on the 21st. Last Saturday. Skipped into "The Challenge" weigh- in and crawled out, realizing I weighed 10lbs more than I thought! I knew it was bad, but not THAT bad! Here it goes........ I weigh 170.51 ibs :( My body fat percentage is 42.2%..................I did this to myself. I ate my way to obese. I know better, I still did it. No excuses. I am the mother of 3 boys and no burger is worth shortening my time with them, period. It is my job to set a healthy example, I have failed.  

   It's been 7 days, and with the exception of Saltine crackers(due to illness, I have stuck to my "eating plan". I won't call it a diet, because it is not. It's a new lifestyle. I am doing "Vemice Nutrition". Long story short, I eat every 3-4 hours. Each meal is 25g of Protien, 22g of Carbs, and 7g of fat. Day 2 was tough, my sugar craving was off the charts. Rather than risk and all out binge, I ate a graham cracker with a sliver of icing. I am proud to say that has been my only "off" food since Saturday, or as I refer to it "D day". We are working out with Laura George 2-3 days a week and I am also doing a Kettelbell class with Donnie that, drumroll.........I really, sort of...enjoy! I am starting to enjoy exercise, that is half the battle.

   I promise that my blog wll get wayyyy more specific regarding food and exact exercise. Laura will also give you specifcs on our exercise too, so you can follow along with us. I will blog my meals starting tomorrow since I'm still a little off due to illness.

     So here it is..my goal. I will lose 40 lbs. I have 12 weeks...it's been 7 days.

email me if you have questions:   jackie@1003thepeak.com